Rainy Tuesday

In this Issue:

• Eclipse viewing
• DESK postponed to Tuesday, April 16
• New York Times article on parenting

Eclipse viewing

Though we were not in the path of totality for the eclipse, it was still a vibrant and fun atmosphere on campus. I was stationed on the Mag Quad (aka Manchester Plaza) in front of Carswell Hall and had told my class I had some spare glasses if they want to watch the eclipse.

There were a lot of people – faculty, staff, and students alike – on the Mag Quad watching between maybe 2:45-3:25 p.m. A lot of students had glasses of their own, but I witnessed a lot of sharing of glasses within groups, so even if you did not have your own pair, other people would lend theirs. This felt like a big community-wide event. Lots of people, lots of smiles and chatting, a shared experience. I loved the feeling of this collective experience.

Some of the students I was with had remembered the last big eclipse in 2017 – and most seemed surprised to think the next one wouldn’t be in the US for 20ish more years. You could almost see the wheels turning in their heads – thinking they would be in their 40s for the next one, and what their lives might look like then 🙂

DESK postponed to Tuesday, April 16

Due to the weather forecast calling for rain this Thursday, the WFU DESK painting event for elementary students on April 11 has been postponed and rescheduled for Tuesday, April 16 from 3-6 p.m. on Davis Field.

New York Times article on parenting

One of our intrepid Daily Deac families who was here for Campus Day spotted this editorial in the New York Times about parenting, written by a senior staff psychologist at Boston U. They shared the article with me and said this: “I found it excellent and really timely for my family – and others who are on the clock for selecting a college and heading out for a freshman year. Whether it’s kid 1 or you are a veteran, it’s worth the read.”

Here’s the intro to the article to give you a taste:

“This month, across the country, a new cohort of students is being accepted into colleges. And, if recent trends continue, the start of the new school year will kick off another record-breaking season for anxiety on campus.

I’m talking about the parents. The kids are mostly fine.

Let me explain. Most emotions, even unpleasant ones, are normal. But the word is out about increasing rates of mental health problems on campus, and that’s got parents worrying. Fair enough. The statistics are startling — in 2022, nearly 14 percent of 18- to 25-year-olds reported having serious thoughts about suicide.

But parents are allowing their anxiety to take over, and it’s not helping anyone, least of all their children. If a child calls home too much, there must be a crisis! And if a child calls too little, there must be a crisis! Either way, the panicked parent picks up the phone and calls the college counseling center to talk to someone like me.”

You can read the whole article here. This part particularly resonated with me (emphasis mine):

“Some kids walk through my door in serious pain. But most don’t. Most just need a responsible adult to show them the way. And most of what I do can be handled by any adult who has been through a thing or two, which is to say, any parent.

I worry that the current obsession with mental health awareness is disempowering parents from helping their adult children handle ordinary things. People are increasingly fearful that any normal emotion is a sign of something serious. But if you send your adult children to a mental health professional at the first sign of distress, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them. This is the beginning of their adult relationship with you. Show them the way.”

One of the most difficult pieces of advice that I have given families over the years is “we need to be comfortable with our student’s discomfort” – in other words, when they call/email/text and they are clearly unhappy, lonely, etc., don’t let their mood become your mood. So easy to say, so hard to do – and frankly, I have to work hard not to do this with my own ’27.

But I love the reframe of this article – that instead of becoming anxious about whatever is bothering our students, we as adults can help our students understand that difficult emotions are part of life and they’ll get through them. So I am leaning into the idea of “strengthening my relationship” with my ’27 and “showing them the way” rather than worrying about what my ’27 is feeling. He’ll be ok and so will I.