At this time each fall, I start to hear from first-year students who have gotten their first grade back on a test, paper, or are worried about their upcoming midterm grades – and they are panicking. Their grade is not what they expected or hoped for, they are worried about their loved ones’ reactions. Today we’ll talk about Grade Expectations.

Framing the issue of grades in a realistic way could be enormously helpful in alleviating stress and anxiety in your students – and could also help you as parents and loved ones.

If you (or your students) are using high school grades as your benchmark, please consider adjusting those expectations. Not every student will be universally good at all subjects in college the way they were in high school. There will be classes here that will be a struggle, just because the level of work and pace of work are higher.

So many students feel pressure to replicate their high school grades, and this can add a tremendous weight onto their shoulders. A faculty colleague of mine used to say “I cringe when I hear a parent state that they have expectations for their student to get a 4.0.”

Striving for straight As (or even As and Bs) can come at a price – and to get the grade, you might have to give up on other, equally important things in the process. My faculty colleague offered this perspective:

“It’s much more helpful for parents and families to expect their students to ‘do their best’ in class while also striving for a healthy and well-balanced life that includes sleep, exercise, and healthy involvement with friends and extracurricular activities.

Students do not thrive when they study all the time, and they do not thrive when they feel pressured to get higher grades than those that naturally result from a strong effort in the context of a balanced lifestyle. Our students get good jobs and get into graduate programs with a range of GPAs.

Balance matters. Some students put all their energy and free time into studying – at the expense of making friends or participating in clubs or extracurriculars, which can lead to unhappiness and make it harder to find friends. That can cause other issues (e.g., not sleeping well, lack of enjoyment in other parts of life, maybe even not going to Deacon Health or the University Counseling Center when they need it, because “I don’t have time – I have to study!’) – all because they think they HAVE to get an A on a particular test.

Some of my colleagues from the University Counseling Center used to reframe the idea of grades like this:

“We challenge students’ thinking about what they “have” to make grade wise.  We ask them to consider “what if I ‘only’ got a B or a C?” What would really happen in my life?  Does it really have bad/irreversible/critical consequences? 

The point of that exercise is not to encourage a student to have a goal of a B or a C.  The intent is to challenge the unrealistic and damaging perfectionism that many students have, and which actually hinders the student’s best work. 

If students can loosen their grip on their academic selves, what they often find is that their best self can come through.”

So when should you be concerned about grades? My faculty colleague puts it this way:

“Students need a 2.0 overall and in their major to graduate, so clearly it’s good to expect that over time. We are concerned if students are getting one or more Ds or Fs.  Parents/families might also legitimately be concerned if a student is consistently getting Cs across all or most classes, although exploring the reason for this is important. 

If families are concerned that their student is not working to their potential, I urge them first to express caring concern. Ask if everything is ok. Ask if there is something going on that’s keeping the student from doing their best. Asking with caring concern might help the student open up about struggles – rather than simply stressing students out and intimating they are not pleasing their family or living up to familial expectations.

Urge the student to seek out help from professors, from the Office of Academic Advising (OAA), from the Center for Learning, Access, and Student Success (CLASS), or other academic resources. In general, expressing caring concern is likely to be more productive than is expressing disappointment in or expectations for a specific GPA.”

If you can help take the stress (real or imagined) off your students, it might free them up to be able to work with a clear mind and less anxiety about what your reaction will be if they get a particular grade or have a certain GPA. Imagine what a great gift that would be to your students.

Contact

To contact the Office of Family Engagement or Family Communications, please visit our contact page.

 

For mental health assistance: 336-758-CARE (2273) is a service that ensures someone will always be available (i.e., 24/7 M-F, weekends and university holidays) to provide caring and thoughtful consultation services for Wake Forest students in need of mental health assistance or support.