And I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Our Gen X families may recall the great U2 anthem I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. For many first-year students, they are still actively going through the adjustment to college. They might not have found their friend group yet (but they think everyone else’s friend group is rock solid). They might have tried a few things to fit in and get acclimated, but it hasn’t really gelled yet (and they are worried they missed the boat). They may be questioning whether Wake is the right place for them (without realizing how common a thought that is for all new college students everywhere).

In other words, they still haven’t found what they’re looking for.

First-year students often arrive on campus with romantic notions of what the “perfect” college experience looks like: they will quickly decide what they want to major in, they will have found their best friends for life the first week, and they expect to have a college experience that is 90% fun and 10% struggle. Which is not at all realistic.

In the first semester, new students often find themselves unsettled: their college experience is different than what they expected. This may be hard to relate to as a parent or family member: if you have gone to college yourself, you may not remember any struggles you had at the beginning – your memories may be primarily about the end of college, reflecting on four years of all the good times you had. But your students may feel like their classmates or friends at other schools are having the perfect college experience, and ‘something must be wrong with me because I feel lonely, or anxious, or like I don’t fit in,’ etc. This is normal and to be expected.

We have students every year who feel like they aren’t settled here, that they don’t fit in, or that they haven’t found their place. Where you can help your Deac is to emphasize that the start of college is about exploration and process, rather than perfection and outcomes. Help remind them that even if it seems like everyone has their act together, all new students are walking around with hidden insecurities, anxieties, and emotions they don’t show the world.

So if your Deac still hasn’t found what they are looking for, what should you do?

Encourage your Deac to take advantage of the activities offered every day, including weekends. There are a bunch of activities to choose from each week, and students can find events on The Link or in the Next Week at Wake: Student Edition email we send them each Friday afternoon. Students can also make friends through their residence hall, classes, events with Faculty Fellows, and in student organizations.

If your Deac still needs some help finding their place, encourage them to try the Office of Student Engagement – students can fill out an interest matcher and then make an appointment to talk with one of their Engagement Consultants about how to get involved in campus activities. This process can help your Deac connect to opportunities on campus, whether they are looking for the perfect student organization, find more friends, etc. This office’s motto is “Helping every Deacon find their place.”

Deacs can also talk to their academic adviser, Resident Adviser (RA), Faculty Fellows, or professional staff in any of our support offices. There are tons of folks on campus who can help your Deac find what they’re looking for – we just need to know they need some assistance. (And yes, they have to be the ones to ask – that’s the only way we know they want help!)

Being a few months in to college and not feeling ‘at home’ yet is normal. It takes most new students a full semester to be comfortable at college; for some, it takes the whole first year. Help your student normalize that idea too – it may be a huge relief if they know they aren’t the only one feeling this way 🙂