The ABCs of the new semester

In this Issue:

• Move-in Guide for new and transfer families
• ABCs of the new semester

Move-in Guide for new and transfer families

Today we published a Move-in Guide for new and transfer families; you can read it here. We also sent it via email.

On the Move-in Guide, you will see a section with gray bars corresponding to each potential date for your new/transfer student’s move in. Click on the bar for your new student’s move in date to expand that section.

P’24s-’26s, your students can see move-in information for them here.

ABCs of the new semester

As we start the new semester, thought it might be fun to share some advice for families using the ABCs as prompts.

Affirm your student. They may not tell you how much it matters when mom, dad, or a loved one says “I am proud of you” or “I believe in you” or “You can do this!” – but those kinds of supportive messages really matter.

Be a safe place your Deac can confide in. One of the things I loved most about my late father (who was known to have a hot temper sometimes) was that if I called and said something is wrong, he did not yell about it, his first words were always “how can I help you?” That made a big difference in my ability to confide in him.

Call your own parents/families/siblings/friends regularly. We as parents and families need love and connection too!

Discuss with your student a time you struggled or failed. Students need to understand that we all fail from time to time and even their idols have struggled and overcome issues.

Expect the unexpected and try not to sweat the small stuff.

Fill your Deacs in on how things are going at home (they may be especially concerned about health matters with you/grandparents, how siblings are doing, how their beloved pet is, etc.)

Give them space to grow, even when the idea of them changing feels uncomfortable. (I am living this one right now in a big way!)

Help your student keep perspective when they have problems. Reassure them that problems are temporary. A quote sometimes attributed to Maya Angelou is “every storm runs out of rain.”

Include their roommate/friend(s) in meals or plans when you make a visit to campus. Every student loves to see their friends’ families.

Jump in to help only after your Deac has exhausted their own solutions (or if it is an exceptionally serious life/health/safety kind of thing).

Keep reminding your student that they don’t have to have it all figured out at 18, 19, 20, or 21.

Let your Deac choose their major, classes, etc. independently. Students need to own their choices.

Manage your own anxiety about your Deac’s discomfort. It is normal for them to go through stressors, pressure, and disappointments, and to have bad days. We can’t expect that every day in college will be fun like Disney World 🙂

Never contact your student’s faculty. (If you’re tempted, call/email me first and let’s talk through it!)

Open yourself to the possibility that even if you think your Deac is handling something wrong, their way might be best for them.

Press lightly with your student for details (on grades, friends, etc.). Let them decide when/how/how much they want to share.

Question (rather than direct) when your Deac asks for help. Questions like “What have you considered? Where might you go on campus for help?” etc., can help nudge them to think through options (vs. you providing answers)

Resist the temptation to use “we” when referring to your student’s college experiences (“we are trying to register for classes,” “we were really hoping to get a single room,” etc.) College should be a singular experience for your Deac. Using “my student” instead of “we” helps keep necessary boundaries.

Spend time with your Deac’s friends when you are on campus. Get to know them. They are your student’s support during the semester.

Think before you speak. Once said, never unsaid.

Uplift your student when they need a boost.

Visualize your Deac’s potential successes (and try not to worry about what might go wrong).

Work with your company’s HR department (if possible) to be sure they are considering Wake students for internships and jobs after graduation.

[full disclosure, I am struggling on these last few]

Xerox a copy of important numbers – like how to cancel their credit card if it gets lost or stolen – and have your Deac keep it in a safe place in case they need it.

You have done a great job getting them from birth to college! They are capable and smart. They will be OK, and you will too.

Zinfandel is not my wine of choice, but sometimes having a drink of choice and a few minutes to calm your thoughts is what is needed when you are stressed out about your kids. Or maybe that is just me 🙂