Getting Steamy

In this Issue:

• Proactively addressing loneliness in college
• Clarification re: Academic Calendars message from yesterday

When I was growing up in the suburbs of Philadelphia, we had a weatherman who used to say “HHH” in summer forecasts; HHH stood for Hazy, Hot, and Humid. With apologies to all who are in summer school now (or families with Deacs here in summer school), the next few days are going to be beastly:

Now on to today’s topics…

Proactively addressing loneliness in college

This is a topic I like to hit every summer to make sure to set the stage appropriately for our incoming ’30s and transfer students, as well as their families.

Most of our students have grown up with an image of college shaped by movies and tv. The message they may have received is College Is SO MUCH FUN! It’s Going to Be Great From the Moment I Step Foot on Campus and Every Minute Thereafter!!!!!! And yet, the first few weeks of school are a big adjustment. They can even be a time of loneliness and uncertainty for students. This is normal and to be expected!

If you think about it, your student’s senior year in high school was the pinnacle of their social scene: they had their established friend group, being a senior meant they were the Big Dogs at their school, they were secure in their place in the social pecking order, knew how to handle the workload and were involved in extracurriculars, etc.

Starting college – whether as a new student or a transfer student – means they have to start all over. They don’t have an established friend group yet; they must find a new one. They are at the bottom of the proverbial pecking order as new students. They will need to learn the faculty’s expectations for academic work. They will be trying to find campus clubs and organizations to join.

The first few weeks and months – and ’30s and P’30s, brace yourselves – sometimes even the first semester or first year can be more of an adjustment than your student anticipated.

Once school begins, your new student may sound like they are on shaky ground and not happy the way they (and you) hoped they would be. I promise you, this is normal and happens every year.

It isn’t that something is wrong with your student, or something is wrong with Wake. It is simply that college is an Enormous Adjustment. New students can feel isolated, unhappy, confused – and are surprised to feel that way when the image of college they had in their head was College Should Be Perfect From Day One. The reality is that it takes time and effort before students feel at home

One of the keys to finding your footing in college is by getting involved. The Involvement Fair, which will take place on August 27 from 3-6 p.m. on Poteat Field, is a critical first step. We also have an Office of Student Engagement whose motto is helping every Deacon find their place. They have staff and students who can help them identify interests and find ways to plug in. Urge your Deacs (of all ages!) to go to the Involvement Fair, join a handful of things, use the resources of the Office of Student Engagement to get plugged in to campus life.

The other key to the first few weeks is to resist the temptation to eat alone, but talk to other students (on your hall, in your classes, in the tables in Benson, the Pit, or even outside). Students can invite someone to eat with them, or if they are alone (or someone is at a table by themselves), walk up and say “Can I join you?” Most of the time, students will be overjoyed for some company and connection. If your Deacs keep plugging away and making an effort, they will begin to feel more comfortable.

This is worth thinking about and talking about with your new students NOW, before school begins. Sometimes knowing in advance that loneliness or adjustment issues are to be expected takes the sting out of them when they hit, and that your student is normal for feeling that way. And help remind your Deac that with time, and with effort on their part, they will find their friends and get into the groove of Wake.

If you are interested in some old (but I think still good) additional reading, back in 2017, New York Times columnist Frank Bruni wrote an article entitled The Real Campus Scourge, which was about new college students, loneliness, and how their peers mask their college reality via carefully curated social media. Some of it is a bit outdated – substitute Instagram and TikTok anytime Bruni says Facebook – but the concepts still work.

Clarification re: Academic Calendars message from yesterday

In yesterday’s Daily Deac, I mentioned that the Office of the University Registrar has added a new feature, and – incorrectly – thought it was available only to students. But anyone can access this:

“There is an option to subscribe to a Google Calendar version of the Academic Services Calendar. Doing so will embed the dates and deadlines from that calendar into your personal Google calendar as desired. Open the Academic Services Calendar, click the button ‘View in Google Calendar,’ then click Add to Google Calendar using the link at the bottom of the page.” So anyone – including parents and families – can subscribe to this calendar if they wish.

We want to stress that students should be the ones making note of these important dates like drop/add and ensuring they meet all appropriate deadlines, so please encourage your students to add the Academic Services Calendar to their Google calendar.

But we know – particularly for incoming first year or transfer students, as they get used to Wake and all the transitions of college – it may be helpful for families to know those dates, too. But the end goal should ultimately be for parents and families not to consistently remind students of these kinds of dates, but encourage your Deacs to take that responsibility.