Chilly Day
Happy Humpday, Deac families! It’s the midway point of the week. And it is a chilly one here in Winston. This morning it was 27 degrees when I woke up, and the high today is only supposed to get to 52. Winter is coming. Here’s a shot of the Quad Cam from this morning.
Remember that if your student has not yet received and submitted documentation for their influenza vaccination, the deadline is December 15. In accordance with the influenza vaccination policy, all students are required to receive the influenza vaccine if they plan to return to campus in January. Details, submission and exemption information can be found at go.wfu.edu/flushots.
I met with a group of Wake alumni yesterday who have high school students to talk about ways to approach parenting a college student: what is more helpful, what is less helpful in terms of their development and adjustment, etc. Thought I would share a couple of points from that session here.
It’s important for families and students to be clear on their roles in the college experience. Though families traditionally are paying for college, students are the ones who need to live that experience. Here are some top-level thoughts on roles:
Your student should:
Choose classes and major
Find friends
Join campus organizations
Handle day to-day needs and decision-making
Parents and families should:
Provide a loving base of support
Listen more, talk less
Give them space to grow
Not direct or manage your student; help only if it’s truly needed (see Stop, Drop, and Roll)
At this time of year, as finals approach and students are starting to feel extra stressed, you can be a huge support by telling them – often – that your love is unconditional. Students may not tell you this (but they tell it to faculty, advisors, and others): they worry that you won’t love them the same if they get a bad grade, or if they don’t major in what they think you want them to, or if they don’t get in to your Greek organization (or they want to join and you don’t want them to, or vice versa), you get the idea. The more you can remind them that your love for them is unconditional, the more secure they will feel.
Remind them they can do hard things. Students always worry about finals, but this might be especially keen for our ’24s, who have never taken college level finals yet. Help them think back to a time in high school when they had a tough class or project and did well. Sometimes that perspective – and your confidence in them – are difference makers.
Finally, let your student grow into the person they are meant to be. They might have always said they wanted to be a doctor (but they have discovered they hate chemistry) and are now making a change. Or they might have started college with a particular faith orientation or political or social views, but those have evolved over time. We send our kids off to school at 18 and sometimes we think how they left our house should be how they stay forever. But people are not fixed in place. We grow as we learn new things, discover new passions, challenge old assumptions. So embrace who they are, even if they have changed – and remember, if you went to college (or when you first moved out of your house and were on your own), you changed too! The more you can love and accept your adult children, the better your relationship with them will be.
We’ll end today with a picture I found in Ken Bennett’s photo archive. His caption reads “A tiny piece of public art tells students, ‘You are so loved,’ on the steps outside Reynolda Hall on the campus of Wake Forest University, Thursday, October 15.” I don’t know who put it there, but thank you. I hope that some student who needed to see that message that day was able to look at it and have their day be a little brighter.
