Some Advice From “Wake Forest Compliments”

Tonight is Pref Night in the sorority recruitment process. That means that some young women will find out they have 2, 1, or 0 options still available to them to join a sorority. This is always a hard night. Bids will go out tomorrow, and again our Potential New Members (PNMs) will find out if they will be in a sorority or not. Hurt feelings can abound.

On Facebook just a few minutes ago, the “Wake Forest Compliments” page (where people can anonymously send in compliments about other WFU students), posted a very profound and heartfelt message about recruitment and disappointment.

My hope is that your daughters are not feeling this way – but in case they are, I wanted them to hear from someone who has ‘been there, done that’ with sorority recruitment disappointment – and has some sage advice.

Here is this anonymous person’s message in its entirety:

“ATTENTION: If you made it to tonight (preference night) in sorority recruitment and found out you didn’t have any of your top choices left please read this…

Dear PNM,
I was in your shoes and I thought it was the end of the world. I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling right now. Rejection sucks. You think you’re fat, ugly, not cool enough, or stupid. You keep going over those 5 minute conversations thinking, “where did I go wrong?” or “what did i say that got me cut” or “why don’t they like me?” Trust me, it’s been a long time since then and I still sometimes wonder what happened and why i was “that girl” who just happened to “fall through the cracks.”

I’ll be completely honest with you: I thought I would have no friends, I thought I was going to be a loser for the rest of my time at Wake and I thought all of my best friends first semester would drop me for their new sorority friends. So many girls on my hall spoke about transferring ASAP so they could just “get away from it all.” Girls were bawling their eyes out, crying to mom, dad, their siblings, their boyfriends, etc. Muttering through tears how “rush is stupid.”

Well let me tell you something, rush is just that. And sorority girls will be the first to admit it. Rush is stupid. No one can gage someone’s true personality in a matter of minutes. People can barely tell the difference between a big heart and a big ego during rush. And 5 minute surface conversations for 4 days should NOT i repeat NOT determine your self worth. You are better than that. And as far as transferring goes, don’t do it. Be strong. Learn to handle rejection because sooner or later you will face it. Whether you don’t get the guy, don’t get the job, or don’t get the grade you want, it is necessary to have thick skin and to roll with the punches. When life hands you lemons, make mike’s hard lemonade.

So, are these next couple of days going to suck? Again, to be honest, yes, they probably will. Your classmates might still be in recruitment and might all get bids. They will be at mixers and parties for the next week. Getting presents, tee shirts, alcohol, and new converse sneakers. But are those materialistic things really what matter in life? No. In the big scheme of things will they be what makes you happy? No. Friendship is far more valuable. And my friends stayed my friends after rush, and are still my best friends to this day. They introduced me to their sorority sisters and I became close friends with other girls I would have never met if I had transferred or stayed hostile about the entire experience.

I love several girls from all 8 of the sororities on campus and am truly grateful for my relationships with each one of them. Sororities are great organizations and are a way to form bonds that will last a lifetime but sisterhood is more than wearing the same letters on a tee shirt or the same color chucks. It’s finding your best friends in the whole wide world, finding your future bridesmaids and finding yourself. And you can do all of those things with or without a sorority this semester. I can attest to that.

You are all beautiful, wonderful, intelligent girls. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sincerely,
Someone whose first rush was also “stupid.”

P.S. One of my favorite quotes ever is: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” So look yourself in the mirror and make a promise to yourself to continue. Whether that means being unaffiliated, trying Theta, or fall rushing–pick yourself up, wipe those tears, and have the courage to continue.