On Resilience
In this Issue: how to help your student build strength and resilience
I am out of the office, so this is a pre-post
One of the greatest parts about being at Wake Forest is that you are surrounded by very smart, very talented people who are high achievers. But being surrounded by incredibly accomplished people can foster perfectionism, and a perfectionistic mindset can make it tough to accept mistakes. So it is critical for our students to cultivate and foster their resilience skills.
It is inevitable that in some way, we all will suffer losses, failures, disappointments, etc. For students who might have been used to straight As in high school, they may find that they get their first B, C, or D in college. Or your student may go through some sort of interpersonal conflict (roommate, romantic partner, etc.), or find that they do not get into a particular student organzation, or get a leadership role or internship, etc.
So summer is a great time to have a conversation about disappointments and losses, and how important it is not to dwell on that, and instead bounce back in moments of setback.
You can help by talking about your own setbacks when you were their age, whether that was a college problem, a problem at work, or with family. Have a real conversation about a time you failed, or were disappointed, and how you handled it. That can help your student see that you have overcome issues, and they can too.
How students can cultivate a resilience mindset
Talk with your student about ways they can build their resilience skills and cultivate a resilience mindset. Like any other skill, resilience gets stronger as you practice. This site has a more detailed explanation of some of the points below, which I have condensed/reworded a bit.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”
Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
The key is to identify strategies that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.