Fri-yay!
In this Issue:
- Especially for new families: the real scourge of college: loneliness
- National Donut Day
- Wake Forest Friday
It’s the end of this short week, and today I want to share some food for thought for our new families about the imagined reality of starting college vs the experience. Your new students will be lonely at the beginning, most likely.
Especially for new families: the real scourge of college: loneliness
Back in 2017, pre-pandemic, Frank Bruni of The New York Times wrote one of the best articles on starting college. It is about loneliness, which is something that most of our new students aren’t prepared for. Lonely? With literally thousands of new people around me? And a million activities taking place at all hours? Not possible.
But it is true. Here’s an excerpt from Bruni’s article:
“Across the country, college freshmen are settling into their new lives and grappling with something that doesn’t compete with protests and political correctness for the media’s attention, something that no one prepared them for, something that has nothing to do with being “snowflakes” and everything to do with being human.
They’re lonely.
In a sea of people, they find themselves adrift. The technology that keeps them connected to parents and high school friends only reminds them of their physical separation from just about everyone they know best. That estrangement can be a gateway to binge drinking and other self-destructive behavior. And it’s as likely to derail their ambitions as almost anything else.
Brett Epstein felt it. ‘I spent my first night in the dorm and it hit me like a pile of bricks: It’s just me here,’ Epstein, a 21-year-old senior at the College of Charleston, told me about his start there three years ago. ‘I was completely freaked out.’
Clara Nguyen felt it, too. ‘It’s a lot more difficult to make friends than people make it out to be,’ Nguyen, a 19-year-old sophomore at U.C.L.A., told me about her experience last year. ‘I didn’t know how to be someone new while at the same time being who I always was.’”
It’s a really solid article that I recommend both you and your new students read. (Fun fact: students can get The New York Times for free online by following these steps. They can sign up and then you can read the article that way if needed).
I am an anxious person by nature, and I often tell those close to me that “information is currency to the anxious.” If I know what to expect, if I can prepare for it a little ahead of time, it is easier to manage whenever the thing happens in real life.
So prepare your new students that it will be normal for them to feel lonely at times at the start of college. It’s normal to have to make a real effort to establish friendships. It’s normal to feel like you are walking on quicksand the first few weeks of college because this is an enormous life transition. It’s normal to question whether you made the right college choice because all your high school friends at other schools’ Instagram posts look like they are happy all the time (hint: they aren’t. they are just posting their best moments).
Loneliness at the start of college is not unique to Wake, it’s part of the transition for every college student no matter where they go. My hope is if we talk about it now, your students will be ready for it. When it hits them, they won’t feel like they have failed college, or chosen badly. Instead, they might think “aha – this is the loneliness thing my family and I talked about over the summer.” And maybe it will feel a little less scary, and more bearable.
Bruni’s article ends with (emphasis mine): “We urge new college students not to party too hard. We warn them of weight gain (“the freshman 15”). We also need to tell them that what’s often behind all that drinking and eating isn’t celebration but sadness, which is normal, survivable and shared by many of the people around them, no matter how sunny their faces or their Facebook posts.”
So talk about this with your new students. Help them understand this is part of the transition, and with time and effort on their part (actively meeting people, joining campus groups, etc.) they will find their footing.
National Donut Day
So if the above article was food for thought, this is just a post for the love of food 🙂 Apparently today is National Donut Day. If you are a Boston family, maybe that means Dunkin Donuts. In my neck of the woods, it’s Krispy Kreme. If the spirit moves you to get a donut for your Deac today, more power to you!
Wake Forest Friday
Our Director of Athletics, John Currie, has resurrected an old tradition: Wake Forest Friday. Here’s a snippet from his From the Quad email: “No matter where you are, represent the Deacons with your Old Gold & Black every Friday, including today! #WFFriday is an easy way to show the global spirit of Demon Deacons Nation!”
So make it your plan to wear gold and black clothes, or Wake Forest branded apparel, every Friday. This might be an especially attractive idea for after the start of the school year, when you are missing your Deacs. It’s a way to feel connected.
Have a great weekend, Daily Deacdom!