The Bittersweet of Coming Home
In this Issue:
- The adjustments of having your students back home for the summer
- Announcement of new Vice President and General Counsel
The adjustments of having your students back home for the summer
My high school senior hasn’t even gone to college yet, and I am already experiencing anticipatory grief thinking about our empty nest, and looking forward to when he’ll be back in our house. I suspect for many in the Daily Deacdom, you can’t wait to have your students home. AND there may also be some degree of bittersweetness to it, because while they will be home again, it won’t exactly be the same as it was when they still lived with you full-time.
Here are a few adjustments families and students will likely have to navigate.
Schedules
Our students have spent from August until May living in whatever way they want to. They decide their meal times (and what they eat), bedtimes, how often they do laundry, whether they make their bed, when/whether they need a haircut, and whatever extracurriculars/friend time/romantic pursuits that interest them, etc. They have been wholly autonomous. They may expect or want that to continue. You may think differently. Finding compromise (or at least turning a blind eye) might be the best path forward.
Personal decisions
How late is too late to begin your evening? Is it OK to leave at 11 p.m. or midnight to go visit a Wake friend in another town, or to go to a party? Can your student (whether 21 or not) drink alcohol in your house? Smoke or vape? Is their bedroom at home a mess now? Some of the things they did at school may not be things you like. Navigating that in a way that works for both you and your student will be important.
Family time
I suspect that most of our students will be overjoyed to see their parents, siblings, family members and will want to have some family meals and other activities. But they may not want to do it as often as their little brother or sister (or you) want. It is not uncommon for students coming home for the summer to spend what feels like an excessive amount of time with high school friends vs. family. That’s actually a good sign: it typically means they feel comfortable with their relationships with their family members, but need to invest time checking in with the high school friends to see ‘are we still friends? do we still connect? are we good?’ They feel secure with you, less secure with their friends, hence the imbalance in where time is spent.
Your Deacs might also – sometimes fairly quickly – wish they were back at Wake. Again, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you, and it doesn’t mean they aren’t happy to be home. Summer is a weird limbo in college students’ lives, and no matter how fun your house is, it isn’t likely to be as full of diversions, events, parties, and hanging out with friends as college is. If this happens, try not to feel sad, but be reassured that it is a good thing they like their school.
Best practices
The best practices in the readjustment to home life is open, honest communication with your Deac. Parents and family members absolutely have the right to expect certain things of their kids. But there may be things you would have expected in their high school years that you can let go of (or at least loosen the rules) now? Talk to your Deac about what they want, need, and expect, and share the same from your position. Then find the common ground so that home feels peaceful.
Also, spoil them a little. They will come home tired and drained from finals and move out. They may need a few days of a LOT of sleep. So some TLC, their favorite foods, a lot of patience and grace will go far.
And for those about to rock Laundry Mountain, we salute you! 🙂
Announcement of new Vice President and General Counsel
Yesterday, President Wente sent a message to the campus community announcing our new Vice President and general counsel:
“I’m pleased to announce that Brian White will join Wake Forest University as vice president and general counsel on July 1, 2023. He will also serve as corporate secretary for the University. In this important role, White will provide vision, oversight and leadership for all University legal matters.” Read the full announcement.
Have a great weekend, Deac families!