Supportive messages

In this Issue: the importance of supportive messages from parents and loved ones

When I was in graduate school studying higher education, I came across an article* that really made an impression. It was about college students’ communication with their parents/families, and part of the article talked about supportive messages that families could share with their students (and thus help boost them when the students needed it).

I am adapting  and paraphrasing items from that article in case you want to keep some of these in your back pocket for when they might help your Deacs:

Uplifting comments:

• “You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.”
• “You’ve always been focused on your goals and always do things right.”
• “Good job! You rock!”
• “Good luck!”
• “Future doctor [lawyer/professor/actor/whatever] in the house!” [though the caution here is you don’t want to pressure your student for a career direction they don’t want!]

Meeting Goals, Staying Focused:

• “It’s like a soccer game, give it your all until the end.”
• “Keep your eye on the ball.”

Effort/Hard Work

• “Put time and effort in, and then everything else will follow.”
• “Give it your all.”
• “Keep working hard.”

Academic and Other Decisions

• “Take time to think about what you are doing.”
• “College is worth it even if it might be hard at the moment.”
• “Do what you think is best.”
• “Study what makes you happy.”
• “Ask your professors for help.”
• “Don’t forget to rest. School is important but so is your health.”

Parents/Families as Sources of Support

• “I am here to help you.”
• “If you do fail, whatever choice you make, I will always support you and have my arms open for you.”
• “Anything you need, I will try my best to give it to you.”
• “You are a great example for your siblings.”

Minimizing Worries

• “Don’t worry about your test/paper too much.”
• “Don’t worry about your college loans, you’ll eventually pay them off.”
• “If you’re busy, we understand.”

You are probably already using many of these. I can’t overstate the importance of parents and families’ support and understanding during the college years. Even if they don’t express it directly to you as a need, your Deacs want and need to hear your confidence in them, that you understand them, that they can do hard work, that you are always there for them.

And – most importantly – that your love is unconditional and not tied to their grades/achievements.

 

* Alfaro, E. C. (2018). Communication frequency and types of supportive messages: A mixed methods approach to examining mexican-origin college students’ relationships with their mothers and fathers. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, 153819271877266. https://doi.org/10.1177/1538192718772663