The Worry Letter

In this Issue:

• Today I am sharing The Worry Letter, a post that encourages you to help your student know what to worry about (and what not to).

Editor’s note: I am out of the office today and tomorrow, so will be running some oldies-but-goodies in my absence

People who know me in real life know that I am a weapons-grade worrier, the poster girl for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was also an English major. So imagine my delight when I discovered a ‘worry letter’ that author F. Scott Fitzgerald is said to have written to his 11 year old daughter, Scottie. It reads:

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions

What am I really aiming at?

How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

With dearest love,

Daddy

Of course this is quite simplistic and written for an 11 year old. But this is a beautiful thing to try to do for a child: help them understand what to worry about, and what not to, and focus them on the things that feel the most important.

I don’t know each of your specific students and what their worries may be. But I can tell you some of the general worries that I hear when students confide in me:

• Grades
• Disappointing you – by choice of major, by grades, in their choice of romantic partner, identity, etc.
• Not earning as much money as their parents/families do/taking a lifestyle backslide after college
• Not feeling any great academic passion/difficulty in deciding on a major
• Not getting into the academic/graduate or professional program they hope to do
• Not getting membership in a campus organization (or a leadership position they wanted in a campus org)
• Getting a job after college that you would be proud of

So, Deac families, I offer you this as a point to ponder in the remaining weeks of the summer: if you were going to write a Worry Letter to your student, what would you say? What would you want them to know about life, and how to differentiate the small stuff from the Really Big Bad Stuff? What advice could you give that they might cherish?

During my time at Wake as a student, I was always secure in the knowledge that I had my mom and dad’s love and approval no matter what. Even when I made a mistake, got a bad grade, did something foolish, they were still there for me.

I invite you to write your own Worry Letter to your student if you choose.  It may mean more than you can ever imagine.