Thinking about adjustment issues before they happen
Today’s Daily Deac is primarily geared to families of our new students (P’25s and transfer students). But first, a quick note for our P’24s.
Some P’24s had asked me about any special events for sophomore families who missed Orientation last year due to the pandemic. We are having a special Family Welcome Center for sophomore families on sophomore move-in day (Friday, August 20) from 1-5 pm in the Benson University Center atrium. We are very much looking forward to having an opportunity to meet everyone this time! The Family Welcome Center will be an opportunity for sophomore families to meet members of the Office of Family Engagement and other staff, meet other families, learn about campus traditions, enjoy some refreshments, and more. I hope you will join us for that. Additionally, the Flourish in the Forest Orientation program that is happening on the evening of the 18th and 19th for P’25s will be recorded and posted on our Orientation videos page for any upperclass families who wish to view it.
Back to the meat of today’s post, which might apply more to new families (though I hope our P’22s-24s can relate/recall this from their own first year). Most of our students had grown up with an image of college from movies and tv. The message they may have received is College Is Going to Be Great From the Moment I Step Foot on Campus and Every Minute Thereafter. And yet, the first few weeks of school are a big adjustment. They can even be a time of loneliness and uncertainty for students. (This is normal and to be expected!)
If you think about it, your student’s senior year in high school was the pinnacle of their social scene: they had their established friend group, being a senior meant they were the Big Women/Men on Campus, they were secure in their place in the pecking order at their school, they knew how to handle the workload and were involved in extracurriculars, etc.
Starting college – whether as a new student or a transfer student – means they have to start all over. They don’t have an established friend group yet; they must find a new one. They are at the bottom of the proverbial pecking order as new students. They will need to learn the faculty’s expectations for their academic work. They will be trying to find campus clubs and organizations to join.
The first few weeks and months – sometimes even the first semester or year – can be more of an adjustment than your student anticipated. Once school begins, your new student may sound like they are on shaky ground and not happy the way they (and you) hoped they would be. I promise you, this is normal and happens every year. It isn’t that something is wrong with your student, or something is wrong with Wake. It is simply that college is a Big Adjustment. New students can feel isolated, unhappy, confused – and are surprised to feel that way when the image of college they had in their head was College Should Be Perfect From Day One. The reality is that it takes time and effort before students feel at home
One of the keys to finding your footing in college is by getting involved. The Student Involvement Fair, which takes place early in the semester, is a critical first step. We also have an Office of Student Engagement whose motto is helping every Deacon find their place. They have staff and students who can help them identify interests and find ways to plug in. Urge your Deacs to go to the Student Involvement Fair, join a handful of things, use the resources of the Office of Student Engagement to get plugged in to campus life.
The other key to the first few weeks is to resist the temptation to eat alone, but talk to other students (on your hall, in your classes, in the tents outside or a table in the Pit). Your ‘25s/transfer students can invite someone to eat with them, or if they are alone (or someone is at a table by themselves), walk up and say “Can I join you?” Most of the time, students will be overjoyed for some company and connection. If your Deacs keep plugging away and making an effort, they will begin to feel more comfortable.
This is worth thinking about and talking about with your new students before school begins. Sometimes knowing in advance that loneliness or adjustment issues are to be expected takes the sting out of them when they hit, and that they are normal for feeling that way. And help remind them that with time, and with effort on their part, they will find their friends and get into the groove of Wake.
You can find more tips about conversations to have with your student before school begins in our Orientation video Just for Parents and Families, Part I (full disclosure, yours truly is a presenter). There are also other Orientation videos worth watching here.