“Knowing No”
Because I am at an event this week, this is a pre-post. This is the speech of one of our Senior Oration finalists, Lucy Porter (’20), gave at the Senior Oration reading earlier this spring. Her oration was entitled “Knowing No.”
Correction to yesterday’s post – here is the link to the Face to Face speaker series: https://facetoface.wfu.edu/
Note that there will be no Daily Deacs during Spring Break week unless there are any campuswide emails that are sent out (I would post those in the blog).
And now, here’s Lucy :)
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Before I begin, I would like to say thanks to the University for inviting me to speak today. I would like to take the next couple of minutes to explore the robust socio-political implications of David Hume’s principles as it relates to higher systemic academia.
Oh my god, no, I’m just joking. But can you imagine, though? Actually, I want to talk with you about the word “yes.” It’s an equally highbrow concept, I promise.
Wake Forest is a place filled with “yes.” Yes, create that organization! Yes, take Intro to French your senior year! Yes, put an ice sculpture in the pit; it is Tuesday after all!
As an institution and a community, Wake Forest says yes to collaboration, curiosity, engagement and so much more that allows students to thrive.
For students, Wake Forest is built around a culture of involvement. I warn you now, do not stop a Wake student and ask them what sort of things they do on campus unless you have twenty minutes to listen to them rattle off a massive list. By the end of the interaction, you may even find yourself heading up a committee for Wake ‘n Shake! That’s just how things work here. It’s because we are so conditioned to “yes.” We are invincible community servants, ready and eager to contribute to any executive board or organization.
Listen, “yes” is great. “Yes” is finding out your 8 am is cancelled the night before so you can sleep in. “Yes” is when everyone in the group project pulls their weight. But what’s even better, is being told “no.” “No” is gut wrenching. It is heavy and knocks all of the air out of your lungs with one swift impact and zero hesitation. And while I believe Wake Forest is founded on the principle of “yes,” it’s the “no’s” I’ve encountered here that have galvanized my character and continue to build the person I am.
At a point in time I, like many of those who came before me, was a freshman. A freshman who desperately wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself. I’m a comedian (with a minor in Spanish) so my fit here wasn’t immediately clear to me. That first year, I was feeling lost – not only about my identity, but literally lost in the vast maze of tables at the student involvement fair. There wasn’t a flashing sign leading me to my path. It seemed like everyone else was able to find their community instantly; people who supported and celebrated their passions and offered a path to success and happiness. And that wasn’t presenting itself to me.
Comedy here is interesting. I have been trying to make people laugh on this campus from day one and have been told “no” a lot. When a goal feels as simple as creating space for people to explore and enjoy laughter, it feels peculiar to be told no. But my dreams fit in clumsily to preexisting ideas of performance, community, and art. So, I was told no again and again and again. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve faced rejection many times before. For instance, I ran for Class President all four years of High School and never once won. But “no” feels different when it seems like everyone else around you is hearing “yes.”
Because we find ourselves thriving in a culture of involvement, when you don’t have ten leadership positions or nights packed full of meetings, you can feel empty. It can feel like you’re not doing enough, like you aren’t enough.
What guided me through those challenges was perspective and resilience. When you’re in the moment, it’s easy for something minor to feel massive. What I had to do was remind myself of who I am and where I was. Even though it may have felt completely devastating to not make it into a college sketch comedy troupe, it’s college, not the end of the world.
Still, I felt that “no” in my entire body. I was shattered and left with no one but myself to put the pieces of my self-worth back together. Weirdly enough it was the deep pain that showed me I must continue. If rejection hurt that much in that moment, at this amateur level, then comedy was something I need to be doing, even if I had to fight for it. I couldn’t just accept defeat and move on to something different. I had to persist and be resilient. I found other routes. I had to force myself to get by it, to persevere, and grow. If the beaten path was not an option for me, I would have to forge my own.
I found, over time, that there was no need to seek shelter from the “no.” The dull pain of rejection is nothing compared to the vast boringness of a life without it. If you isolate yourself to a bubble where you can only encounter yes, that may feel good for a minute, but it can ultimately be more devastating than any pain and fear “no” may bring.
If there is one thing that’s certain it’s yes and no. You encounter both in a variety of degrees and proportions daily. This unique pattern of yes and no will always exist around you. Like ones and zeros. That’s how computers work, right? I don’t know, I barely made it through computer science.
But I don’t need an A in computer science to tell you that we’re not computers. We are not a series of ones and zeros. We are not defined by the yes’s and no’s of our lives. We are, however, defined by our reaction to them. It’s how we process the yes and the no that makes us human. My reaction to the mixture of yes’s and no’s that I faced while pursuing my passion here at Wake Forest was not to accept defeat. I persevered. I chose to continue to create. I found alternative paths, and in the absence of those, I created my own. I created my own yes. It turns out that the happiest moments of my life have come from what I was able to create in the aftermath of being told no.
Wake Forest provides us the space to experience both yes and no to their fullest capacity. It’s up to us to decide what we do with it. I am immensely grateful for all the opportunities I have experienced here at Wake Forest because of “yes,” but even more grateful for all of the “no’s” that have pushed me to find my own path to personal success. Because of Wake Forest, I embrace the yes, and celebrate the no. We are all eager for opportunities and it’s shocking how often life altering moments are hidden behind two simple letters. So, the next time you are punched in the gut with a no, I hope you are able to turn it into an opportunity. I can’t wait for the next adventure that “no” brings me.