Even though the weather in Winston-Salem is generally excellent, it’s still the winter and it is not uncommon for people to have a case of the winter blahs.  For many of our first year students, they have just undergone recruitment for Greek life, and even if they got in where they wanted to, it can be a harrowing process where your self-esteem takes a big hit.

Maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem is something many people struggle with.  It can be especially hard for college students, because they are surrounded by other very talented people, and it’s easy to make comparisons – what if your child thinks her roommate is the prettiest girl on campus? Or the smartest? Or is the smashingly popular lead in the new play at the University Theatre? Or has tons more friends? Or has parents with significantly more money?  Or has the perfect boyfriend?  Your child might feel much less by comparison.

College students can have unrealistic expectations of their peers – they think other students they see are always happy, always getting As in their classes, always popular, never struggling.  This of course is not the case – everyone has problems and struggles as well as successes.  But if students measure themselves against an unrealistic perception of other people, it can cause them to feel bad about themselves.

Livestrong.com (the organization founded by famed cyclist Lance Armstrong) has a great site about self-esteem and exercises to help develop it.   The site explains: “Healthy self-esteem means thinking as highly of yourself as you think of your friends and peers. We are so used to negative feedback that we are more aware of our weaknesses than our strengths.”

The article suggests ways students can maintain healthy self-esteem:

• “Celebrate your strengths and achievements.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• Don’t dwell on your weaknesses; every human has them.
• Change the way you talk to yourself–stop putting yourself down!
• Be sure that you are not judging yourself against unreasonable standards.
• Berating yourself for your weaknesses is self-defeating. Use that energy for positive thoughts about you.”

There are also some affirmations and exercises your student can use to build self esteem:

• There are many things I do successfully. (Write them down if you have to.)
• I can improve my self-esteem by meeting my own expectations.
• I don’t have to strive for perfection to approve of myself.
• My worth as a human being does not depend on achieving a perfect weight, or by being the smartest, or the most popular, or the fastest, or having the highest grades, or being the funniest, or having the coolest friends, or getting into the best school, or… (you fill in the rest!)
• I alone am responsible for the decisions I make.
• I am a unique individual.
• Persistence will help me succeed.
• Every mistake I make can be an opportunity to learn. I can’t be afraid to make mistakes; this is how I learn to improve.
• I deserve support and will ask for help when I need it.
• I have the power to forgive myself for past mistakes.
• I will treat myself as someone special.
• I determine what success means to me.”

Read more from Livestrong.com.  And of course, any student who has issues or concerns about his or her self-esteem can talk to the University Counseling Center for resources and support.

Parents can play a crucial role in their student’s self esteem too.  When you tell your son that you don’t expect him to be perfect – but that you love him for who he is, the good and bad points alike – that helps reinforce that you have a realistic view of him and your love doesn’t depend on external factors like grades or popularity.  And as you practice healthy self-esteem as parents, you are providing a great role model for your student to be ‘comfortable in his own skin.’