Roommates and Relationships – A Special Message for Wake Forest Parents by Intern E. (’12)
Having a roommate is somewhat like having a sibling. At first, the siblings do everything together. They share meals, friends, toys, and sometimes a room. Your sibling can feel like the best friend in the world. But eventually, the inseparable pair enters those ‘tween’ years and they begin to bicker. One bops the other on the head with the TV remote, and the other storms out of the room. Every little thing sets them off, and sometimes you just need a break from your ever present brother or sister.
In college, roommates are not as inseparable as young siblings, but they still share a room, and therefore they still act like it. At some point, it is likely that your child will feel their roommate is impossible to live with. Whether they snore, sleep all day, stay out all night, or just plain drive your son or daughter up the wall, people living in close quarters will at some point find fault with each other. When that happens, it is important to remind your student that he or she must communicate with the roommate.
At the beginning of the year, each first-year Resident Advisor (RA) asks roommates to fill out a living agreement. Stress the importance of completing this agreement with your student. They need to be honest about their preferences, living habits, and expectations from day one. Therefore, when a problem arises, the roommates have in writing what they promised each other. It is important to address these issues and to refer back to the agreement, renegotiating when needed. No matter how worked up either party may be, the conversations should always be handled calmly and with a level head. Their beds still remain three feet apart from each other, so immature arguments will only cause stress.
Some roommates are the best of friends and others are simply sharing the same space. It is ok if your student’s roommate does not become a lifelong best friend or seems “unlike” one of your child’s typical friends. In fact, most of us learn more by having a roommate who can bring different experiences, tastes in music, and backgrounds to our lives.
Remember to encourage your student to make friends beyond his or her roommate. Each person needs interests and friends of their own. Wake Forest offers many activities such as service clubs, outdoor pursuits, intramural sports teams, religious clubs, and Greek life that are the perfect opportunity to expand relationships beyond the dorm room and for your student to find his or her own niche. Encourage your child to take advantage of these opportunities. The clubs allow students to make friends and learn the perspectives of Wake Forest students from around the world.
Whether your student finds a best friend or simply a roommate, the experience will be beneficial to both parties. Part of a college education is learning to get along with others and to broaden our worldview. Proper communication and patience will make your student’s first year more relaxed and teach him or her to manage conflict in a mature way.
Written by Intern E. (’12)
